Emerald Stardust

Some people grab your heart in ways that never let go.

That's a good thing, i think, but not always easy. There is a girl whom i love a great deal. A girl i was ready to give up all the things in life that i usually clutch close to me, just to be closer to. But it was not meant to be. She made choices that she felt were right for her (and may very well have been), and i took a backseat, removing myself from the equation.

Its been over a year since all that took place, and aside from my thoughts and prayers, i have been uninvolved and uninformed regarding the progress of this woman's life. Its only this past week that i've been blessed enough to get a peek into this life again, as well as a chance to reconnect, however slightly, with this woman i'll always love.

I am of course, torn. I was hoping to hear that some of things i had reservations about back then had now faded away, but it seems that at least some of them are still there. It's hard for me to make any judgements. For one, im far removed from the situation and any opinions i make are with only a slight few pieces of info. Secondly, im not exactly an impartial observer. This was a woman i was ready to mesh my life with and commit to some serious things. Can i ever really be impartial on the "other guy"?

When it all comes down, it doesnt matter. My place is pretty simple now. I pray for her, for thier family... and if need be, i be there for her. In whatever capacity i can.

Sometimes i wish i could just sit down with the guy and talk to him. Explain to him what an amazing woman he has and explain some areas that need to be shaped up. A bit self righteous i know, but there is one thing i would tell him to do that seems pretty obvious for a man that is a husband and father.

Sometimes i also wish i didnt back down back then. The part of me that wonders what would have happened if i had drove up to this woman's home and said "Here i am, im real, im here, and im ready do to whatever it takes to make your life, and the life of the little one to come, secure, happy, and complete". I was an inch away from doing this, but didnt. I thought i was respecting her wishes. Maybe i was. It doesnt change that i often wonder what her response would have been to that.