I Don't Understand People

I got an e-mail last night that was full of mean comments, and random accusations about me. I was surprised by it, but only because i dont understand people. One, i dont understand why people will grasp onto and keep little pieces of negativity they find in life and hold onto them like they can't live without them. Two, i don't get the additional step of forwarding all these negative thoughts to another person and trying to get them to feel them too.

What is the point of taking the time to communicate with someone if you don't want to share something positive, or better their life somehow? Look, it's not like i don't understand that life gets you down sometimes. I have mood swings like everyone else, and some of them get pretty low. But is this a reason to say, "You know what will make me feel better, let's try and knock someone else down a peg, then *i'll* feel better"?

Well it didnt knock me down any pegs. The accusations that were sent in my direction were so scattershot that only a few made any kind of sense, and even those seemed pretty misunderstood by the time they got back to me. Frankly, even if the accusations were spot on, it still would have made me feel the same way. Sad, for the person that sent them. Sad because apparently the only way they feel they can lift themself up is by trying to pull someone else down. I never claimed to be better than anyone else, or without faults, and shortcomings. If someone has determined im not worthy of the pedistal i was on, it's a pedistal they put me on that i never asked for, or wanted for myself.

I'd be lying if i said my first reaction wasnt to send an e-mail back, rebutting the accusations that were sent my way and shooting few back myself. After all, the e-mail made numerous claims to things that had been "discovered" by apparently going through my e-mail account, desktop, and who knows what else in my apartment that they had free access to since i had trusted them with keys to my home. Instead i decided to just come here and write this blog. I hope that is the healthier option for me. At least it doesnt perpetuate the negativity for another round of mudslinging.

I shared some of this with a good friend of mine last night because even though his life is going through more difficulties right now than i would ever want to deal with, he still makes time to give me advice on my life. He reminded me that the person who wrote the e-mail to me is a great deal younger than me. He reminded me of what we were like at that age, and (hopefully) how much we have grown since then. It didnt take long for me to remember things i had done similarly (even to people who now read this blog) when i was closer to that age. Thankfully, i think ive learned over the years the folly of those actions and outbursts. It would be unfair of me to expect someone to have learned those things at an age where i hadnt learned them either.

Anyways, im going to take this time, not to dwell on what ive learned since that age, nor on what others at that age may still need to learn, but what i still need to learn at this age. I welcome suggestions =)