The Road of Self Improvement

I'm not usually that good at self improvement. Self improvement involves focusing on yourself instead of others, which is not really my natural inclination. It feels so self absorbed to be focusing on me, but it needs to be done.

Thankfully I'm seeing the arborist tonight. After my last week or so, especially the last two days, i could use some serious guidance.

Or course getting my head in the right place is only a start. I enjoy that part of self improvement, so while it may not be easy to do, it's easy for me to work at it since i like the process. I need to also work on more practical things.

I spent lunch yesterday working out, although the downside of that is when 6:30 hit me, all the energy i had used working out was needed to continue to shift. Those last 90 mins were difficult to say the least (my mental state didn't help either). Still, 35 mins on the bike helped make me feel better. I've lost 35 lbs over the last year almost solely on eating choices. I feel like if I'm gonna lose anymore (and i have about 10 more pounds to go) then it should be through the inclusion of exercise. I need to fins myself a pattern or rhythm if it's going to work.

I also need to simplify my possessions. I have too much stuff. I'm awful at throwing things out. I need to start prioritizing what things i really need, and what i can part with. Too much clutter. I want my place to look nice.

Sigh, especially if I'm going to be entertaining again.

I also should probably be a little more pro-active when it comes to my health. With the exception of Easter a few years ago where i went to the ER in the wee hours of the morning thinking i had strep throat, only to find out i had an infection in my voice box and got admitted, i haven't seen a doctor in ages. Probably a good idea for some sort of check up.

I hate doctors. This one will be a struggle.

Hopefully the arborist tonight will help me to be able to see my actions more clearly. I'm obviously doing something wrong as i keep repeating the same story in my relationships. Is it the people i am choosing? Is it the way i am in relationships? Do i need to follow that dreadful advice I'm always being given? To stop being so nice and attentive? Do women, as much as they say they want that, really want a guy who is a little bit of a jerk, a little hard to get a handle on, hard to control, slightly abusive?

Ugh. I couldn't be that if i tried.

Which means we need a different way to change or move ahead. I cant go down that road, and this road is killing me.

Everyone tells me the same thing. You need to be happy being single and alone. I understand those words, but.... I just don't see it. I mean, I'm a natural introvert, and i love my time to myself, but life starts to feel empty when you don't have someone to share the special moments with. I have always had a craving to be a husband, to have someone that you put your needs aside to the back burner to make sure they are happy and fulfilled, knowing that they are doing the same for your needs and desires. Am i just a romantic idealist?

I don't think so.

All i can do is prepare myself to be ready in case the right situation comes around. Hence the self improvement.

Next we are going to shoot for a positive attitude. This one is usually not an issue with me, but with the last few days, weeks, months... Well, every man has his limits. I'm working on it.