It's For The Best

Last week i got a letter from a person i had been close friends with in high school. This was back in my youth group days when i was driving to Lockport 3 days a week to be with my church friends, doing church things. I always thought she had such potential. She was smarter, more caring, and more talented than almost anyone i knew. I loved being around her for a lot of reasons, so we spent a lot of time together.

I started bringing her to youth group and she fit right in. While i don't think she understood my beliefs at the time, she was so open to hearing and experiencing. It didn't last long as her parents didn't approve of my proselytizing attempts, but it was great to see take to it just a little.

Eventually i shared my faith with her in a more personal way than i probably ever have. Later in life i continued to share my faith with people, but in a different manner. Later in life it was more about explaining my faith so people would have a better understanding of who i was and how i got to where i was. With her it was deliberate sharing in an effort for her to see things the way i see things.

So the letter she sent me was her letting me know how much that sharing was a part of her having the faith she has today. It was weird for me to read. Not unpleasant, just strange. I'm not sure i have that same faith today in a lot of ways. Parts of me wish i did. I'm not saying my faith is gone, but its hard to hold onto the emotional aspects of faith, even more so than it has been in the past.

I went to see Straylight Run play in Buffalo night before last and they opened with the song "It's For The Best". It's always a song that I've felt a special kinship with, but it was especially appropriate given all the feelings that letter stirred in me. Sounds like John Nolan has traveled a similar road...



And it takes more time than I've ever had,
Drains the life from me, makes me want to forget.
As young as i was, i felt older back then,
More disciplined, stronger and certain.
But i was scared to death of eternity,
i was saved by grace and destroyed by naivety,
And i lied to myself and said it was for the best.

So now faith is replaced with logic so cold,
I've disregarded what i was now that I'm older.
And i know much more then i did back then,
But the more i learn the more i cant understand.
And I've become content with this life that i lead,
where i drink too much and don't believe in much of anything.
And i lie to myself, and say its for the best.

Were moving forward but holding ourselves back, and were waiting on something that will never come...