Looking for advice
So i been on a bunch of dates with a girl. The dates have been good. She's attractive, she's successful, we have good conversation, she seems to be pretty into me, and she has a very stable and successful career.
The problem is that i think our general worldviews are a little too different to make a long term relationship viable. I'm not gonna to get into the details, but i have a hard time thinking our differences would work long term. Additionally, on some level i guess i must not be *that* into her, as I've been willing to overlook bigger stuff than that in the past.
We had a date tonight. We had a nice dinner (Japanese, Mmmmm), went to see a movie, and then back to her place. We just hung out, listened to music, talked, and kissed. Nice, but again, i just don't think we make sense long term.
So here is the question. How do i tell her? I've had too many girls that for whatever reason didn't think i was the guy for them and just stopped calling/contacting me. I'm not gonna go that route, cause it sucks for the other person, and its just avoiding sometimes necessary relationship related unpleasantness, in a passive aggressive kinda way. I don't want to be like that to anyone, but at the same time, i don't want to make it *too* unpleasant for either one of us. Is an honest and clear e-mail too impersonal? Is it too cowardly to leave this on a voice mail? Do i have to do this in person? In person seems like it would be going out of my way to make both of us uncomfortable. Any ideas?
posted by Patrick at 1:01 AM
3 Comments:
i think you should do it either in person or voice to voice over the phone. But, i have to ask you this (it is the same thing i ask my girlfriends who push away every good and decent guy)--are you sure she's not "right" for you? Could it be you aren't ready for the difficulties that lie ahead in having a relationship where you aren't both the same person?
8:59 PM
i agree with Kelli. you should do it in person or over the phone (NOT voice mail though!!!) my vote is for over the phone. As you stated in person may cause more anguish than needed. Kelli also brings up a good point. you should make sure that the reasons for not giving things more of a chance are because of some thing you really cant deal with NOT because a relationship is difficult. in any kind of relationship compromise is nessacery but only to a point. that point is up to you...
10:40 PM
Ahhhhhhhh, you guys should have seen me attempt this. It was a train wreck. I tried to do it in person. She came over, and i started with the "Look, there is something i need to tell you. I know we both want a long term relationship and we aren't dating just to date, and i don't really think we are compatible long term". I was so proud of myself!
Then we talked
and talked
and some not talking
And then she left, and what?! How did that happen?! Maybe i should have tried the letter after all? Now i still have to *do* this.
Kelli, i can understand your warning about pushing away a good person. She *is* a good person, and I'm all about new things and people who are different than me, but i think this girl is just too much. I just don't think i could ever want 2 giant German shepherds sharing the same home with me (and Squash!), and i really don't think i want my wedding to be a Wiccan hand fasting ceremony.
7:33 PM
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