Second Thoughts

I came home on Saturday night after doing my best (somewhat spontaneously) to get a bit of closure to the Joy situation. I had long ago accepting things, and even was able to turn sincere affection elsewhere, but i still felt that there were some things unsaid.

They've been said.

But when i got home Saturday night i went right to the keyboard and typed.

And typed, and typed, and typed.

3 hours later i had chronicled my entire relationship with Joy, chronologically.

It did a lot of things for me. It made me realize all the time frames involved. Both the unreal quickness that was Joy's "split" from love to hate towards me, and the speed at which we initially became inseparable, fully "in love". Both time frames were insane in their own ways.

It felt good to get it all out. It is by far the longest blog entry I've ever written. A lot of it feels like it's out for good. I'll always have Joy in me in some way, no way to get past that, but I'm in a much better place now.

I'm just not sure i can post that blog. It's so personal. It's so detailed. It's all chronicled by date, with quotes (i.e. text messages from Joy and myself) included with date and time to accentuate the narration.

I'll think about posting it.

In any event i'm glad i was able to write it.