Fighting For Love

I have a lot of friends and acquaintances who married young. When you go to a Christian college, this isn't unusual. There is always a debate about whether there are more degrees handed out at graduation or wedding invites. The point is, for whatever reason all these Christian kids find someone, marry someone, and that's that.

Now i know I'm making this more simplistic than it is. I know these couples have the same struggles other married couples do, though if i had to guess I'd say these ones have much lower divorce rates, even with the young start, or maybe because of it.

I'm not trying to separate myself from these people. Trust me i was one of them. I worked pretty hard to have the same thing happen. Between being terrified of making lifelong decisions, and a tricky relationship, i graduated in May of 98 and didn't propose until October of 99 or so. But it's not like i wasn't eying the same basic thing.

What makes me jealous of these people is that it never seemed to me that they had to fight for love. I'm sure there were dicey times here and there, but for the most part, they met someone that was good enough for them, had similar wants and values, and they have taken it and ran. That's it. I'm sure they fight for the relationship like any relationship, but they usually do it within the confines of that commitment. It's like a contract where the framework has been signed for years, but they just spend all the time hammering out the smaller day to day details.

I guess it just seems like I frequently find myself fighting for love. I wonder if this is how it is supposed to be? Did the rest do it right, and i struggle since I'm looking for something unobtainable? Did the others settle on some level, and i struggle because I'm unwilling to settle and waiting to find the person who I connect with unlike anyone else?

Didn't i already find this person?

I don't mind fighting. I believe I'm fighting for something exceedingly worthwhile. That being said, I'm well aware the odds are against me. Worse than that, as hard as I'm fighting, I'm also aware it isn't my fighting that will bring this situation to the desired resolution. I can fight harder and better than i ever have and still get to the same likely resolution. I know i need to fight hard, and smart, to get through this. I just know that isn't what is going to resolve this.

Maybe someday I'll stop fighting. Maybe I'll settle. For now I'm going to be true to my heart. I understand the wisdom in the advice below, but that doesn't make it stop feeling sad.

"Don't trouble yourself with seeking peace, go cheap..."