Another Radio Song

I listened to this song today fresh after picking up tickets for the Okkervil River show in October, and was reminded about the final passage of this song, if you call it that. It might be my single favorite delivery in music. Its all delivered as one long rambling thought and i adore it everytime i hear it. I recommend this song if you have never heard it, as well as the whole album.

Incidentally, after getting home and feeling satisfied that i had locked up the two upcoming concerts i didnt have tickets for (Okkervil and Matthew Good), i come home to two announcements. This Will Destroy you in Toronto, and Ours in Buffalo (at the Tralf!). Motherfather. Now i have to buy more tickets. Gonna be another good fall of music though:

Okkervil River
Matthew Good (with band)
This Will Destroy You
Radiohead
Sigur Ros
Ours

Even if there arent any other good shows, this will keep me intersted through winter =)

What could be better?

One Day Like This - Elbow


Drinking in the morning sun
Blinking in the morning sun
Shaking off the heavy one
Heavy like a loaded gun

What made me behave that way?
Using words I never say
I can only think it must be love
Oh, anyway, it's looking like a beautiful day

Someone tell me how I feel
It's silly wrong but vivid right
Oh, kiss me like the final meal
Yeah, kiss me like we die tonight

Cause holy cow, I love your eyes
And only now I see the light
Yeah, lying with me half-awake
Oh, anyway, it's looking like a beautiful day

When my face is chamois-creased
If you think I'll wink, I did
Laugh politely at repeats
Yeah, kiss me when my lips are thin

Cause holy cow, I love your eyes
And only now I see the light
Yeah, lying with me half-awake
Stumbling over what to say
Well, anyway, it's looking like a beautiful day

So throw those curtains wide!
One day like this a year'd see me right!

It is rain after the dryness...

If you have known me well enough, or long enough, you have probably heard me ramble on about my definition of love. It's a work in progress of course. Ill probably have to find that right person for me before i can finalize my definition, but i think i've come a long was since what i thought love was, say 10 years ago.

I was up until about 3am last night having a great discussion that included talking about what love is. Im not quite sure how we got on such a topic, but thats ok. It felt good to wrap my head around this concept of love, as i don't think i have thought about it in a little while.

Im not going to get into my personal definition of love. If you want that you'll have to get me one on one over a cup of tea or late at night talking after a good movie. I did discover last night a bunch of random definitons from other people that i found interesting, so i thought i would share those. Feel free to share any definitions of your own for love that you have come up with, or discovered along life's journey.

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."

"There are many different meanings we attach to the word love, but the most important aspect of all of them, and probably the only one that applies across all meanings, is the promise not to betray"

"Love is the tendency not to betray, without necessarily having any particular reason to do this"

"Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you but *trusting* them not to do it"

"Love is when you need someone to be a part of your life, even when they are boring and dumb and rude, because you know they will again have one of those moments where they shine and that light is what you need to survive"

The Next Six Days

I just realised that im working the next six days straight. Id much rather not do that, but what are you gonna do? That's what's in the cards for me in the next week. The nice part is i get a 4 day work week next week. Somehow that doesnt feel like a good trade off.

I saw The Dark Knight this weekend. It was surprisingly good. Im usually let down by movies like this, and maybe i would have been by this one as well, if not for Heath Ledger. The man really gave an Oscar worthy performance. I hope he at least gets a nod, as he does a top notch job. The scenes with him are captivating, and the ones without him begin to feel hollow. You just end up waiting for more of him. If you havent seen the movie, i obviously recommend it.

I popped into blockbuster on the way home from my sister's house tonight against my better judgement. Sure enough i now own 3 more movies. Golsarnit! At least all 3 are ones i really wanted to see: Gone Baby Gone, King of Kong, and Semi-Pro. I almost bought King of Kong a week or two ago for more money that i paid for all 3 of these combined, so that at least made me feel a little better. Ill add them to the wall and try and watch one tonight during laundry.

If you are the kind of friend that i have that sees me in person (You all know who you are) you have probably heard me whine lately about how i hate dating. Don't get me wrong, i like planning dates, i like buying flowers, i like meeting someone and trying to make them laugh and smile more than they think about how awkward it is when you meet new people. The part that i whine about is that space between dates when you try and figure out if the person is a good fit, when you wonder if they were really into you or just being polite, when you wonder how many days is too soon to call, and how long is too long to wait. Hate it hate it hate it. This is an apology to all ive whined to. Sorry guys. The good news is that when you connect with someone and really get to know them better there is no bad end to that, at least for me. Sure, maybe they wont like you like you like them. Maybe it never goes anywhere romantically and the connection is fleeting. For me, making that connection is exilerating, and if you can make that person feel better about life, or themselves, just once during your interactions, its worth all the work and worry.

Not that i like the worry. Im *not* a natural worrier. I normally think it serves no purpose. In dating it kinda *does* serve a purpose, which might be why i let it happen. Anyone have any awful dating stories they want to share with me? It will help me have a more positive perspective on my current dating world.

Ill even start. I once dated a girl who told me over dinner, in a monotone voice, all of her alergies. It took like 10 minutes. It got so bad that i think i secretly hoped that one of her alergies would rear its ugly head and cause a medical emergency that would mercy kill the date. It didnt happen, and im a bad man for wishing it to.

Sad Songs

I was looking over my Top 25 played songs on itunes and it revealed something to me that i think i already knew. I prefer sad, or at least meloncholy, songs. Is anyone else this way? Is there just more artistic beauty in sadness? Do sad movies touch us more than movies with a happy ending? I think it must either be more difficult to write a good, meaningful, happy song...

Or maybe we just feel the need to express sad feelings through art, where as happy feelings can be expressed elsewhere?

I dunno. Im open to ideas. One thing i do know, this is the saddest song of the 17,751 currently nestled in my itunes:

Over The Rhine - Snow Angel

Seriously, i cannot listen to this song without getting teary eyed. If you have not heard it, let me know ill send a copy your way. Its good to get out the tears. Karen does a wonderful job on this one...

Sunset

I activated my new phone today, and one of the things i bought the phone for was the updated camera. I dont think i take enough photos to warrent the purchase of a digital camera, so i just bought a micro sd card so i could use my phone as if it were a full fledged camera. It's also a pretty sweet piece of machinery, but that's niether here nor there. =)

I went to my parent's house for a bit of the day, so i figured it was a good chance to do something i love but havent done in ages; watch a sunset at Fort Niagara over Lake Ontario. I think the pictures came out ok for a camera phone that im still getting used to.

I Don't Understand People

I got an e-mail last night that was full of mean comments, and random accusations about me. I was surprised by it, but only because i dont understand people. One, i dont understand why people will grasp onto and keep little pieces of negativity they find in life and hold onto them like they can't live without them. Two, i don't get the additional step of forwarding all these negative thoughts to another person and trying to get them to feel them too.

What is the point of taking the time to communicate with someone if you don't want to share something positive, or better their life somehow? Look, it's not like i don't understand that life gets you down sometimes. I have mood swings like everyone else, and some of them get pretty low. But is this a reason to say, "You know what will make me feel better, let's try and knock someone else down a peg, then *i'll* feel better"?

Well it didnt knock me down any pegs. The accusations that were sent in my direction were so scattershot that only a few made any kind of sense, and even those seemed pretty misunderstood by the time they got back to me. Frankly, even if the accusations were spot on, it still would have made me feel the same way. Sad, for the person that sent them. Sad because apparently the only way they feel they can lift themself up is by trying to pull someone else down. I never claimed to be better than anyone else, or without faults, and shortcomings. If someone has determined im not worthy of the pedistal i was on, it's a pedistal they put me on that i never asked for, or wanted for myself.

I'd be lying if i said my first reaction wasnt to send an e-mail back, rebutting the accusations that were sent my way and shooting few back myself. After all, the e-mail made numerous claims to things that had been "discovered" by apparently going through my e-mail account, desktop, and who knows what else in my apartment that they had free access to since i had trusted them with keys to my home. Instead i decided to just come here and write this blog. I hope that is the healthier option for me. At least it doesnt perpetuate the negativity for another round of mudslinging.

I shared some of this with a good friend of mine last night because even though his life is going through more difficulties right now than i would ever want to deal with, he still makes time to give me advice on my life. He reminded me that the person who wrote the e-mail to me is a great deal younger than me. He reminded me of what we were like at that age, and (hopefully) how much we have grown since then. It didnt take long for me to remember things i had done similarly (even to people who now read this blog) when i was closer to that age. Thankfully, i think ive learned over the years the folly of those actions and outbursts. It would be unfair of me to expect someone to have learned those things at an age where i hadnt learned them either.

Anyways, im going to take this time, not to dwell on what ive learned since that age, nor on what others at that age may still need to learn, but what i still need to learn at this age. I welcome suggestions =)

For a friend ---

Who i wish didnt have to go through what they are going through.



"My Heart" - K's Choice

Not so long ago
We both felt love became a word
No more than that
With sex that felt like wings without a bird

The only thing that we both love
Is in the cradle that we rock
Six hands, six feet, but just one beat
The ticking of the clock

I always heard I could get hurt
(I knew that from the start)
Break my face, my back, my arms, my neck
But please don't break my heart
Break my face, my back, my arms, my neck
But please don't break my heart

Solid wood will rot
If you don't keep it from the rain
We were surprised when we found out
That love feels just like pain

I always heard I could get hurt
I knew that from the start
Break my face, my back, my arms, my neck
But please don't break my heart
Break my face, my back, my arms, my neck
But please don't break my heart

So i have Monday's off now

And i have no idea what to do. I know its no different than having a weekend day off on most levels, but i feel like the day needs to be extra productive since everything is open. If any of my readers have week days off on a regular basis, let me know what you guys do. Im curious.

Living the Dream

toothpastefordinner.com

Outward to Inward

I think all my talking and marketing myself lately made my Introspective nature hit me a vengence today. I woke up and all i wanted to do was go for a long walk, see something beautiful, think, and make sure i had a book with me.

All of these things, thankfully, were possible. I got Leonard Cohen's "Book of Longing" in the mail yesterday so that met that need. As for walking and something beautiful, c'mon... i live in Niagara Falls. Sure, i had to wade through a tremendous amount of tourists to get to a nice spot on Terripin Point, but no ever sits in that spot anyways.

LC made good company indeed.

I think i wrote a poem in my head while i was there, but i dont know if i remember it. I think i was inspired when i realized that i once had a first kiss with a girl on the very spot i was sitting and reading. That was at night though. First kisses are better at night. I think.

All My News

Do Not Decode
These cries of mine
They are the road
And not the sign

~LC

Moving into a Period

You and i, who yearn for blameless intimacy, we will be unwilling to speak even the first words of inquisitive delight, for fear of reprisals. Everything desperate will live behind a joke. But i swear that i will stand within the range of your perfume.

~LC

See These Bones...

Try as they might, no one's immune to
Misfiring and acting on the wrong clues
And thinking its time to redo and redo

I feel rain in the movies and the talk before the screen lights
I hear strings in the park
I don't like to call her right, except when its too late at night

I mostly just think in the dark...