Thankful for my fuzz head

Those of you who read this and know me well know that im a pretty happy guy. Sure, things get me down from time to time, but unless something is knocking the wind out of me emotionally, my default emotion is usually chipper. I love Thanksgiving. Im overly aware of all the wonderful ways that im blessed, so a day to revel in that suits me well. I also like football and turkey, so what's not to like?

This year i was in a bit of a funk. It probably didnt help that a guy used to working at 1pm had to get up at 6:30am to be at work at 8am, on Thanksgiving. It probably didnt help that work was fairly devoid of any other human contact. It was like being in purgatory, for non catholic insurance professionals. Mix all that together and you have an overly tired man, stuck at work with nothing more than his thoughts, which betrayed him a bit and focused on all his recent romantic misadventures.

I tried to bust out a bit. I got chai tea twice. I read a bunch of my Carl Sagan book that ive been reading. I listen to all kinds of music (Seriously, Josh Ritter, Cardigans, Nine Inch Nails, Zwan, i was all over the map). Most of it didnt help. Sorry Mr. Sagan.

This past summer i had the urge to shave my head again, or at least buzz it pretty short. I resisted such desires since i think i look awful when its growing back, and i knew i was gonna start dating and needing to make good first impressions. Once things started going well with Briony, and i was relatively sure she had accepted me for the man i was, i once again thought i should get rid of the do. She encouraged me, and so before we left for our weekend in Montreal, i got rid of most of my hair, down to the same length as my beard. Felt great. looked....who knows, im not a good judge of such things.

Of course, it was 3 days after Montreal that my girlfriend vanished and our relationship was never the same when she reappeared. Shortly thereafter i was single again, in just the spot i didnt want to be in..... single with the fuzz head. Its that hair length that is too long to still be considered shaved, but too short for any kind of hair product. It just has a fuzz to it, and it attracts things to it like Velcro. Its a joy, really.

Its probably not as bad as it feels to me. None of my dates have run screaming (Sure one of them vanished into thin air, but i have no proof the hair was a factor. Of course i dont know *any* of the things that were a factor in that, but that's a different topic...). One nice part of it is that its crazy soft to the touch, probably because it gets treated with the same conditioning bomb that attacks my beard every shower. Yes, beards require a ton of conditioner.

I got through work without falling asleep (a major accomplishment in my eyes) and made to my parents house in time for food before it got too cold. Food was excellent, company was nice, but my funk remained. Really not like me. I was watching football, my best friend whom my parents consider another son was there, dessert was tasty, but still i was having trouble shaking the down feelings.

I finally decided i was gonna go. I have to work in the morn, and have to leave early for some lunch plans with friends. I went to say goodbye to my little 5 month old niece Sophia who was laying on her back in the family room. As i leaned it to give her a little kiss, she reach up and put her hands in my hair. As soon as she felt my hair, she squealed in delight. She must have liked the way the soft hair felt on her fingers. She did it over and over, the reaction the same each time.

And that was it. No more down feelings. Little Sophia shook me out of it. And, it was the fuzz head that facilitated it, of all things.

So thanks Sophia. I appreciate the assist. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope this post finds you all well, happy, and with the ones you love. For all those i dont see much, at all, or no longer talk to for any reason, know im thinking of you fondly, and miss having more interactions with you. Thanks for being in my life!

Why did you go like this?

So i spent the past few days pouring all the memories and thoughts of the past 2 weeks into a 4 part blog. The good, the bad, the exceedingly perplexing. I figured when i finished it would all make sense. Sadly, nothing made sense afterwards. I was just as confused when i finished as i was when i started.

I don't know if im gonna stick it out here. It's long. Its detailed. It maybe shares too much. I dont think any of my readers are going to be able to figure out the mystery anymore than ive been able to. We'll see.

"this is a state of electrical shock
you were so beautiful i thought you’d last forever
but you came and you went when the lights went out
you went like you came
in a light’ning bolt

why did you go like this?
i slam against the wall
it’s crushing my skull
why did you go like this?
i slam against the wall of permanence"

Btw, i dont think i gushed sufficently about Shara Worden of My Brightest Diamond. Really check her out if you havent.

Looking forward to my lunch date today. As ive said before, no sense sitting around and dwelling on the past. If someone chooses to not be in my company, i can't help that. All i can do is seek out and enjoy the people who *do* want to be in my company. Thankfully i have lunch plans with someone like that today.

Monster Ballads

Radio waves are coming miles and miles
Bringing only empty boats
Whatever feeling they had when they sailed
Somehow slipped out between the notes

Out on the desert now and feeling lost
The bonnet wears a wire albatross
Monster ballads and the stations of the cross
Sighing just a little bit
Sighing just a little bit

And I was thinking bout what Cady done
Thinking bout what Cady did
The fairest daughter of the Pharaoh's son
Dressed in gold neath pyramids

Out on the desert now and feeling lost
The bonnet wears a wire albatross
Monster ballads and the stations of the cross
Sighing just a little bit
Sighing just a little bit

Ones and zeroes bleeding mesa noise
And when you're empty there's so much space for them
You turn it off but then a still small voice
Comes in blazing from some vast horizon

And I was thinking bout my river days
I was thinking bout me and Jim
Passing Cairo on a getaway
With every steamboat like a hymn

Out on the desert now I'm feeling lost
The bonnet wears a wire albatross
Monster ballads and the stations of the cross
Sighing just a little bit
Smiling just a little bit

At least it was just Starbucks

While im still not ready to dive into my two recent cross border dates (im still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing), i did have a first date on Saturday night. It was a spur of the moment thing with a girl i had been e-mailing, and we decided to get together at Starbucks.

I could tell pretty early on that she wasnt the gal for me. Don't get me wrong, she was pretty, somewhat funny, successful and stable, and had pretty good taste in music and films, but there was just something about her that made me know right away that she wasnt really the girl for me. I think maybe it was some of her reactions to things i said, or some topics that she seemed a bit closed minded about.

Anyways, the weird thing was that it was almost preferable to have a bad date. That may be poor word choice, it wasnt really a bad date, i had a good time. I guess i just mean that i left the date without thinking there was any potential. Somehow that made the date better or easier because i didnt have to fret and wonder if the potential would ever be realised, or wonder what i would have to do to make that happen.

Maybe ive just been burned too much lately by potential that falls apart without warning. It wasnt long ago that that feeling of potential after a date was i was hoping the most for. Now i kinda dread it cause im always wondering when its gonna reveal itself as nothing more than a facade. I dont want to be a cynical dater. Hard to see how that could be successful.

I have a friend who tells me that i attach too quickly to people. They are probably right, but i dont know how else to be. I dont know what its like to hang back and be casual, especially when dating. Dont get me wrong, when im single, im single and try not to force committed relationship stuff before it happens naturally. Thats one of the reasons ive tried to keep dating new people, even when i date someone super promising. But once you decide to give it a try, i dont know how to be in that situation except to try and be all in.

Looks like i have another first date coming up this weekend on Sunday. Ill let you know how it goes. I dont really have a gut feeling about this one. We have only chatted a little bit up to this point, certainly not enough for me to get a good feel of the situation. Ill keep you guys posted.

I also saw Quantum of Solace on Saturday. I know a lot of people didnt like it, but i did. Sure, the action was obviously influenced a great deal by the Bourne movies, but once you got past that, and if you were paying attention, there was a pretty interesting story there. The only problem was that they didnt hit you over the head with it, and if you didnt focus between the action, you would miss the subtleties of the story.

~NIN~

Set list:

999,999
1,000,000
Letting You
Discipline
March of the Pigs
Head Down
The Frail
Closer
Gave Up
The Warning
Vessel
Ghosts 5
Ghosts 17
Ghosts 19
Piggy (Ghosts)
The Greater Good
Pinion
Wish
Terrible Lie
Survivalism
The big Comedown
Ghosts 31
Only
The Hand that Feeds
Head like a Hole

—encore—
Echoplex
The Good Soldier
Hurt
In This twilight


It was good show (Trent does a good job with presentation). It did however make me realise that while i enjoy Nine Inch Nails, i usually do so in 4-5 song increments, but so much 2+ hours of it straight. I loved it, especially the older tracks (Terrible Lie, March of the Pigs, Closer, Head Like a Hole, Hurt), but i just had trouble being angry enough to get into it like most of the crowd was. It did give me a new appreciation for some of the tracks off The Slip. I listen to Echoplex all the time now. I also am seriously thinking of picking up Ghosts now. I enjoyed that portion of the set, even if most of the crowd seemed a little unsure of how to respond to it.

I don't think im ready to say anything about the dates yet. May to have to wait for date #3 (if applicable =/) for that. Sorry guys.

Greg Dulli will steal your girlfriend.

When you listen to music and scrobble through Last.fm, it brings up a window that talks about what you are listening to. Normally it starts with something like this: "Greg Dulli (born May 11, 1965) is a singer and instrumentalist.". Enjoyably, Mr. Dulli's entry starts with the sentence in the subject of my blog. I dont know if there any Afghan Whigs or Twilight Singers fans out there, but if you know them im sure it makes you smile. Greg's digital only live album came out this week, and im giving it its first spin now.

Hmmm, i guess there is no spinning when it's a digital only release?

My buddy Tony keeps asking me where Coldplay's latest is gonna end up on my Top 30 list for 2008. I gotta be honest, while i think Coldplay took a huge step forward making this album, its still only hovering around 25 on my preliminary lists which make it anything but a safe bet to make the list. Ill listen to it a few more times over the next few weeks.

So this is my "Speak now or forever hold your peace" moment. Anyone out there floored by an album or two that you want to make sure im considering for the year end list? Let me know what is making you smile musically, and ill try to give it a listen before i start to finalize things. Nothing worse that finding out about an album in jan or feb that would have made a serious mark on last year's list.

So tell me people, what albums should i be listening to?

Last Night

I feel like i have turned a corner a bit. I had a good talk with Briony, i was able to express myself and feel better about the situation. Hopefully the same for her.

I also went to see My Brightest Diamond play. Great show. She snared the whole crowd in a spider web for a song. It was impressive. There were also puppets, a Prince cover, and lots of excellent music.

So i feel a bit better. Onward and upward. Suprises to come =)

Mornings are worst of all

Because in my dreams i still have what made me happy.