Now i go back to using my cell phone to make phone calls....

Sorry the vanishing act all. Just after i posted that last blog my PC died permanently. It was sad and shocking, and i was amazed how used to having/using my PC i was. After some careful shopping i found the new pc i liked (thankfully a good upgrade), took advantage of Circuit City going out of business, and ta-da! Here i am. Back among the digital once again.

What have you missed? Well you all missed my Mom going to the hospital when the rest of family was scattered across the country. I moved back home to be here for my family, and for the first time since i did, im really glad i was here. That came out wrong, im always glad im here, but at least this time i felt like my being here was really a help for my family. Mom is back home now and has gotten some good news. More tests and stuff to go, but the worst stuff was ruled out.

I started a new shift at work. Nothing major, instead of working 1-9:30 on weekdays, i now work 11:30 to 8. Easier to get out now for concerts or dinner if need be =)

Also, some promising dates, including a 2nd date tonight with one of the most interesting girls ive met yet on this dating journey ive been on. Good mix of qualities so far. Interesting musical taste, all the right life curiosities, values niceness and positivity, good sense of humor, not uptight, exceedingly cute (great eyes!), and some sparks as well. All good things. I feel like ive barely scratched the surface on who she is, and that's great! Nothing worse than one date and feeling like the girl is transparent already. I want the journey of getting to know someone to be long and requiring dedication in the beginning, and always continuous on some level. So far she is doing perfectly. Ill keep you all posted. Wish me luck!

Alright, time to do some work on getting my music set up on this pc. Looks like its gonna take weeks, not days, unless i find a way to do it that ive missed so far =/. Ah well, if im gonna do something arduous and time consuming, at least it involves music. =)

How to be Alone

I'm not questioning the way I move
I left here for some quiet on a Sunday
With practiced inability
To gather what comes close to me
I always choose to leave

Dreaming but indifferent at best
I laid down in the kitchen
With the pain across my chest
Desire to be simplified
The way a stone holds heat at night
There's nothing left to prove

And this is how I learn to be alone
The story of my life is yours to share
A pendulum that swings
Across so many things
So I will always be first to leave

I'm not questioning the things you do
Go out all night with strangers on a Friday
My practiced insecurity
Put prison walls around you
So I know you had to leave

Proud and independent at your best
You curled up with a novel
And a sweater on your chest
Desire to be rectified
The foot end of your bed replies,
'There's space for you to move'

And this is how you learn to be alone
The story of your life is mine to share
A pendulum that swings
You lost so many things
So you will always be the first to leave

And this is how we learn to be alone
The story of our lives is ours to share
A pendulum that swings
We love so many things
So we will always be the first to leave
We will always be the first to leave

New Year's Crush

i am that breath of wind
at the back of your neck
only when you turn
im not there

i am that knock at the door
that gets you out of bed
only when you come
im not there

i am the envelope
addressed to you in red ink
only when you opened it
it was empty

you may think that you are imagining me
the specter that haunts your memory
unlovely, unknown

and you may wish that it would fade in time
or leave you intact without
unnatural desire

so put down the paper
the cap on the pen
put out your light and try to rest
ill be here
waiting on your doorstep
ill be at the window as you sleep
a deeper shade in the dark under the trees
the ache that leaves you shaking

ill be waiting for your weakened will
when your hands shaking and need a thrill
as if you never left me