On The Horizon...

2 days off after today. I'm not sure if this will be good or not. Not that i don't need some time away from my place of employment, I'm just not sure if I'm in a head space where lots of free time will be a good thing. Luckily i have a lot of options on my social calendar, and if i maximize them properly i wont have too much Patrick time.

I am really looking forward to the Viva Voce show on Monday night, though it will be weird to see them as a non 2 piece. I'm sure they sound great as a 4 piece, but just gonna be different. I haven't had a chance to pick up their new album "Rose City" since no one in town is carrying it. I guess the good part about that is now i get to purchase it from the band directly.

Aside from that, I'm still weighing all my options. Sometimes it can be hard to support the person you love while still making sure you are loving yourself. Sacrificing and being patient are important if a relationship is to last, but if you do it so much that you harm yourself you end up with nothing to give to anyone. It's hard to always determine where that line is. I hope i make wise choices. I wish i could take all this doubt and uncertainty out of her head so she can know exactly what she wants, even if that isn't me.

I'm Exhausted....

And heading for bed. Maybe this means I'll sleep a little tonight? That would be a welcome change. The night has not been kind to me.

Hope all is well with everyone. I'm really, really going to enjoy my days off...

=)

7 Days of Work in Row

Should not be allowed. Today is Day 6. =/

Here i come shower...

Even My Laundry Forsakes Me!

My laundry became much less cathartic when i pulled my Zune link cable out of the basket of still steaming fresh smelling clean clothes. I guess I'll finally learn the answer to that age old question "Will a USB cable still work after a full wash and dry cycle?".

I'm about 10 seconds from a curse laden tirade that will reach no one's ears but my poor cat. This appears to be an especially bad week for my Starbucks to close and start renovations. =/

Struggling.... and not sleeping

Sure i was in my bed for most of the night, and yeah for some of the time I'm sure i wasn't conscious, but I'm really not comfortable calling that sleeping. Sleeping usually infers some sort of rest or rejuvenation and there was none of that going on.

So i got out of bed at 7am and immediately started to do laundry. If im going to be unrested, unhappy, and slightly out of my mind, at least i can be productive, right?

This way, no matter how my days goes I can take solace in my clean and fresh smelling socks, underwear, and towels. I know it's not much, but it's a start.

Is everyone familiar with the relationship holding patten? This is when one person in a relationship decides for whatever reason that they need space, or they need to reconsider things, or decide how they feel..... or whatever. The relationship goes into a holding pattern until this person figures things out. I'm not sure it ever ends with anything other than the relationship not lasting. Maybe it has happened before, where the person ends their period of space realizing that the relationship they are in is exactly the thing they want and need, but i don't think I've ever been a witness to such things.

Is it too much to ask to find someone who both fits with you as a person, connects with you with unreal chemistry, and is *ready* for the kind of relationship that lasts and works?

It's For The Best

Last week i got a letter from a person i had been close friends with in high school. This was back in my youth group days when i was driving to Lockport 3 days a week to be with my church friends, doing church things. I always thought she had such potential. She was smarter, more caring, and more talented than almost anyone i knew. I loved being around her for a lot of reasons, so we spent a lot of time together.

I started bringing her to youth group and she fit right in. While i don't think she understood my beliefs at the time, she was so open to hearing and experiencing. It didn't last long as her parents didn't approve of my proselytizing attempts, but it was great to see take to it just a little.

Eventually i shared my faith with her in a more personal way than i probably ever have. Later in life i continued to share my faith with people, but in a different manner. Later in life it was more about explaining my faith so people would have a better understanding of who i was and how i got to where i was. With her it was deliberate sharing in an effort for her to see things the way i see things.

So the letter she sent me was her letting me know how much that sharing was a part of her having the faith she has today. It was weird for me to read. Not unpleasant, just strange. I'm not sure i have that same faith today in a lot of ways. Parts of me wish i did. I'm not saying my faith is gone, but its hard to hold onto the emotional aspects of faith, even more so than it has been in the past.

I went to see Straylight Run play in Buffalo night before last and they opened with the song "It's For The Best". It's always a song that I've felt a special kinship with, but it was especially appropriate given all the feelings that letter stirred in me. Sounds like John Nolan has traveled a similar road...



And it takes more time than I've ever had,
Drains the life from me, makes me want to forget.
As young as i was, i felt older back then,
More disciplined, stronger and certain.
But i was scared to death of eternity,
i was saved by grace and destroyed by naivety,
And i lied to myself and said it was for the best.

So now faith is replaced with logic so cold,
I've disregarded what i was now that I'm older.
And i know much more then i did back then,
But the more i learn the more i cant understand.
And I've become content with this life that i lead,
where i drink too much and don't believe in much of anything.
And i lie to myself, and say its for the best.

Were moving forward but holding ourselves back, and were waiting on something that will never come...

The Two Week Commitment

For reasons i don't understand, i was watching Straylight Run in concert last night and decided for 2 weeks to write everyday.

At least once, everyday. And post it here.

No restrictions on what kind of writing. Journaling, music criticism, poetry, whatever. I don't really care as long as I'm assembling thoughts of some kind and dropping them here.

We'll see how it goes.

At Least That's What You Said

When I sat down on the bed next to you
You started to cry
I said, maybe if I leave, you'll want me
To come back home
Or maybe all you mean, is leave me alone
At least that's what you said

You're irresistible when you get mad
Isn't it sad, I'm immune
I thought it was cute
For you to kiss
My purple black eye
Even though I caught it from you
I still think we're serious
At least that's what you said

Digging Into Music 2009....

While I'm still dreadfully behind in transferring all my music from my old PC to the new one (I'm in the middle of the O's...), i did make my first rough draft of the best cds to come out this year so far. My first list has 36 albums on it, though to be fair, 4 of them are not out yet, and another 7 I'm still in the process of acquiring.

Favorite Releases of the year so far:

Neko Case - Middle Cyclone: It's hard to imagine a better album coming out this year, but then again we arent even at the halfway point. Neko impressively made a disc better than 2006's Fox Confessor Brings The Flood. Hard to believe.

U2 - No Line on The Horizon: Not my favorite U2 album but nothing is ever likely to beat Achtung Baby. That being said, U2 does feel like they are stretching their legs a bit more on this album compared to the last two. I think it will make for some good live shows in September.

Silversun Pickups - Swoon: More consistant than their debut album and a staple in my car so far this summer.

Glasvegas - Glasvegas: Im not quite sure how you mix wall of sound/showgazer type sonics, with 60's pop song writing, and Scottish vocals and cursing, and make it work this well, but hats off to Glasvegas for doing it.

Manchester Orchestra - Mean Everything to Nothing: This album really impresses me. I wasnt a huge fan of their first album, as it always seemed like a step backwards from the EP that proceeded it. This album however is many steps forward in many different directions. A lot of great songwriting that will take much more of the year to absorb appropriately.

Mono - Hymn To The Immortal Wind: These guys came to Buffalo *twice* in 2007 and i stupidly found reasons to miss the show both times. Here's hoping they come back this year and play a few of these new tracks so i can right my previous scheduling missteps...

Metric - Fantasies: Still feels like their weakest album to me, but when it's on, it's ON.

Cant Wait for....

Davis Bazan - Long awaited full length. Supposedly ear marked for release on my birthday. Happy Birthday to me.

Wilco The Album - This will be out next month, and then in July 3 row center seats at Artpark. My first Wilco show! =)

Viva Voce - Rose City. The Robinson's never disappoint, and they are even coming back to the bug jar in Rochester.